Detachment, Love and Compassion
Most of us become attached to our homes, communities, image, people…the list is endless. When we lose those things, or people, that we are attached to, we suffer. What would happen if we could accept the impermanence of our physical world and let go of our attachments? Could we let go of attachments to communities and familiar places? How about people?
The only way you will know if you are attached to something is to let it go. Each New Year reminds us to do just that. However, for most of us, letting go may be easier with some things than others as I learned after moving from my Old Greenwich home two years ago and losing my mother this past fall. Leaving behind my community and home taught me that I was indeed attached to the physical place. Two years after moving I am still grieving their loss. Why do I continue to be attached to a place that is no longer mine? Perhaps it is because I envisioned myself there permanently. People, places and things are impermanent. Love, on the other hand, is eternal.
I was very sad when my mom passed away, but I was able to let her go not only because she was physically suffering, but also because I accept death as a part of life. More importantly, I could let her go because her love lives on. Physical things pass and leave no trace. Love is an everlasting flame that burns in our hearts. My love for my mom, and her love for me, still exists. I miss her physical presence, but the legacy of her love lives on. The feeling of love, the language of the heart, transcends time and space and therefore becomes permanent in our hearts. So, for this New Year, I will energetically detach myself from all that is not permanent and hitch my wagon to eternal love. It is this love, and the compassion that inevitably flows from it, which helps us to accept impermanence and still engage with and care for the physical world and all of humanity.
Annabel Monaghan
Theresa, this couldn’t be a harder thing to try to do! Last night I was watching a show where people go into the wilderness naked to survive and my kids said, “Mom would bring a Costco sized bag of Starbucks coffee with her!” And they are right! It is so hard to walk away from our comforts and our habits. So when people as beautiful as your mom go, it’s just so terrible. I am so inspired by you and this whole idea of being able to accept impermanence. (But don’t mess with my coffee)
Theresa Joseph
Don’t be impressed yet Annabel! I have set my intention but only time will tell if I can accomplish the herculean task of detaching from Whole Foods! Maybe the problem is that Whole Foods has no love for me that I can carry around in my heart…like I do mom’s love. I am not sure what the answer is but, I do know that letting go of the things we think we need and love is not easy. I am trying to break my propensity for Starbucks Soy Chai Tea Lattes myself but alas, Litchfield helps with that because there are no Starbucks here! Maybe, as the show you are watching so deftly illustrates, moving naked into the wilderness is the only answer but, I can’t do that either as I am married to my fleece pullovers. I have a long way to go.
Polly Simpkins
So beautifully said, Theresa! Love and light to you this year and thank you for your wisdom.
Theresa Joseph
Thank you, Polly. I am glad this resonated with you! Blessings to you for a new year filled with love,peace and joy.
Andie Raynor
Thank you, Theresa, for your wisdom and your beautiful words. Letting go is a life-long journey, isn’t it? I know I can get very sentimental about the past — places I’ve lived, people I’ve known and loved, the ages and stages of my children — but holding on to the past never brings true comfort. The thing that most helps me cope with my losses, especially the recent loss of my dad, has been gratitude. When I most miss him, I remember what a wonderful father and human being he was — and I give thanks. I let my heart fill with gratitude for having known him and for the love that he emanated; then I wish him well on his journey, grateful that he is no longer confined to this world. Instead of clutching onto him, I relax into the ocean of love left in his wake.
What I’m most struggling with is letting go of the truckload of internal garbage that I drag around, the self-imposed fear that keeps me from expanding and growing. So, following your example, I will also try to “energetically detach” from impermanence and illusion and “hitch my wagon” to love.
xox
Theresa Joseph
Being grateful is a wonderful way to embrace what was good about the past without holding onto it. Thank you for pointing that out, Andie. It is a good addition to this post and something that I will start to do more consciously when the longing starts to infiltrate. Gratitude is an often neglected part of life yet it is so integral to our continued search for a lasting sense of inner peace, love and joy. Thank you for reminding me.